Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Altered Alliance: Urban Survival; A Heavy Loss (Chapter 3)

Allen turned to the wall and punched it in aggravation, "You've got to be kidding me!"

Max quickly looked around the room for a way out of their predicament. But there didn't seem to be anything of use in the room with them. So he peered out the window at the heavy down pour.

What amazing weather to die in, nice and gloomy, just perfect. Max laughed to himself, trying to make himself feel better and turned back to face his doom. But then he looked out the window again. He thought that he might be able to see a dumpster directly below them, but he couldn't be sure because he didn't have the right line of sight.

Backing away from the window, Max raised his rifle to the window.

"Max what are you..."

Before Allen could finish his statement Max fired three rounds into the window, starting at the bottom left corner and ending in the top right. The Plexiglas window stayed in place but it had cracked so much that it was nearly impossible to see through it.

Max quickly grabbed the desk chair and used it to bash the shattered glass out. Raking it along the edges of the window to remove the shards of glass that had been left behind.

He then turned to Allen, "Watch the Cretin!"

When Allen turned to face the Cretin, Max set the chair down and leaned out the window to find a way down from the second story. When he looked down he saw that straight below was an opened dumpster still filled with trash. As he leaned out into the rain, water poured off the brim of his helmet and down to the ground below.

"Allen, I found our way out!" Max yelled.

Before he had time to turn around and call Allen over, there was the sound of glass shattering and the shrill shrieks of the Cretin. Max whipped around and watched as the huge mass of Cretin attempted to crawl through the window at the same time. Allen opened fire on the wall of creatures. The living Cretin grabbed the dead ones and threw them to the side carelessly as their corpses fell limply over the broken window.

Max could hear all of his men on the roof yelling into the comm. all at the same time, wanting to know what was happening.

They were out of time, "Allen we're jumping!"

"What!?"Allen protested.

Without saying another word, Max climbed over the ledge of the opened window and looked below him.

"This is going to hurt," Max thought aloud, and before he had a chance to second guess himself, he let go.

As he fell, it felt as if his stomach was trying to climb up his throat and escape to freedom, but the moment he hit the heaps of trash it was thrown right back into place.

The landing didn't hurt as much as Max thought it might, but he didn't want to know how old the garbage was that he was now lying in. But ignoring his contemplation Max quickly climbed out of the dumpster and called up through the window.

"Allen you have to jump!"

Max saw Allen's head peer out the window for a second and then disappear as the flash and crack of more gun fire erupted from the room.

The gun fire ceased abruptly, and Max's gut ached. What if they had gotten him?

Suddenly, to Max's relief, Allen vaulted over the window ledge and fell into the dumpster with a grunt.

"Allen are you alright?" Max called.

"Yeah, I'm fine."

Max looked back up to the window just in time to see one of the Cretin hurling itself towards the dumpster.

Raising his rifle, Max fired three rounds into its chest, and the lifeless body fell limp. As it's gut hit the edge of the dumpster, Max heard the loud crack of its ribs and spine snapping when it hit which made him flinch.

"Allen get out of there!" He yelled firing up into the window, wounding and killing a few more Cretin.

Allen jumped out of the dumpster but when his feet hit the ground his ankle gave out and he fell on his side in pain.

"Crap! I think I broke my ankle jumping into the dumpster!" Allen yelled in agony, "Great plan by the way!"

Ignoring Allen's remark, Max ran over to the side of the Dumpster and started pushing it away from the broken window. It moved at an extremely slow pace and was really heavy but Max had to move it.

As the dumpster scrapped along the ground he heard the trash rustle and Max yelled, "Allen!"

He rolled over, and upon seeing the Cretin in the dumpster replied quickly, "I've got it!"

After a couple seconds, Allen fired off a few rounds and Max heard a body slump out of the dumpster and onto the soaked asphalt .

The dumpster was nearly far enough away from the window when something heavy landed on Max's back and threw him to the ground. Instinctively, he rolled over on top of his assaulter and pinned them to the ground, holding his elbow against the creatures throat.

The Cretin flailed around helplessly trying to get at Max. Max swiftly unsheathed his knife from his boot and jammed it into the writhing creature's chest multiple times until it ceased moving.

Removing his knife from the motionless Cretin's chest, Max wiped the bloody blade on the knee of his pants and re-sheathed it.

He turned around in time to see more Cretin leaping from the window attempting to get the two soldiers, but when they hit the ground both of their legs would snap. Watching made Max feel sick, and he had trouble keeping his stomach from turning inside out when the crippled Cretin dragged themselves towards Max and Allen ignoring their own bodily pain.

Max put a few of the Cretin out of their misery, then shouldered his weapon and ran over to Allen. He helped him to his feet and aided him as they ran slowly towards the closest building.

"Brooks!" Max yelled into the comm.

"First Sergeant! I saw that move you did... very... smooth, Top," Brooks joked.

"Brooks, shut up! Load onto the chopper and tell them to take off! Me and Tilsen are headed for the next building... Tell the pilots to meet with us on the roof."

"Roger that Top. I can see you two now."

Max and Allen walked hastily across an abandoned street towards another office building, a bit smaller than the Bank they were just in. The street they walked across was riddled with decade old broken down cars and vehicles.

Adams then came in over the comm., "First Sergeant you've got trouble headed your way! looks like they've given up on us... they're pouring out of the front door and breaking off towards you!"

"Crap!" Max muttered, "Come on Tilsen, work with me, we have to move!"

Allen glared at Max as the limped along up to the building, "Sorry I can't walk myself!"

As they reached the door, a deep but very loud shriek erupted from inside the Cretin Hive seeming to shake the ground. But the thing that scared Max the most about the cry, was the fact that it drown out even the sound of the Black Hawk on the roof.

A couple seconds after they entered the building, Max heard glass shattering and metal scraping against metal.

"Oh God!" Adams yelled into the comm., "Top! You better hurry it up! An Alpha just exited the Hive and he's plowing his way through the murder... he looks pissed!"

"WHAT!?" Max screamed as he stole a look back through the windowed door.

Max had been trained not to panic in situations like this but he found it hard not to and what he saw was jaw-dropping.

The wall of Cretin sprinting at them was one thing, but the giant Alpha charging at them was a completely different story. It was literally plowing through the other Cretin, throwing them a few feet into the air if they got in its way. The Alpha stood a good two or three feet taller than the other Cretin and was at least five times as big. Its body was covered in nothing but rippling muscle and it looked as if its skin would tear if it were to flex.

Max had never seen one in person before but he had heard about them. The first Alpha didn't appear until two years after the Cretin had, but when the US Military encountered it, it took twenty soldiers and five cops a good eight minutes to take it down, all of whom were armed with assault rifles.

This was not something Max wanted to try his luck with if he didn't have to, so quickly locking the door he and Allen hastily ran for the stairwell. They reached the second floor landing and continued on up the stairs as fast as they could. Max then heard a loud crash as the Alpha and Cretin broke through the door down stairs.

Without looking behind them, Max and Allen continued past the third floor but to their dismay the stairwell had been blocked by desks and filing cabinets, all piled up on top of one another.

Some survivors of the first wave of Cretin had probably holed themselves up on the floors above years ago, and Max assumed they were long gone. Unfortunately for the two soldiers, they had no time in which they could move the blockage. And Allen's injury was too severe to climb it.

A loud roar came from below and Max assumed that the Cretin had finished looking for them on the first floor and were now headed up.

"Top, we're in the air now! Where are you?" Brooks yelled into the comm.

Thinking quickly Max lead Allen back down and through the door to the third floor, shutting it behind them.

"We're on the third floor!" Max panted, "I don't think we're going to make it to the roof!"

Suddenly Max heard a loud whirring sound and then a quick series of bursts. His squad had set up the mounted chain gun on the Black Hawk and were unloading on the murder outside.

Max set Allen down and grabbed a desk that was nearby and slid it in front of the door. "Brooks hold your fire!"

"But Top..."

"Get level with the third floor and train your weapon on us!"

"WHAT!?"

Max slid another desk in front of the door, "Just do it!" Don't fire until we're clear!"

The only answer he received was a grunt, but he saw the noisy Black Hawk lower into view outside of the windows and turn its broadside to the building. Max saw Brooks on the gun, and gave him the thumbs up.

The sound of angry Cretin echoed outside of the door Max had blocked, and the creatures began banging and scratching on the door trying to open it. Max picked Allen back up and turned towards the stairwell on the opposite side of the room, hoping that the survivors hadn't blocked it off as well.

As they began limping around the cubicles that were set up in this building, Max could hear more shrieks coming from the Cretin. But these cries were different, they sounded as if they were in agony. Then Max heard the deep cry of the Alpha. It obviously didn't care anything about the other Cretin, it had its mind set only on killing Max and Allen.

"Brooks for the love of GOD, please focus your fire on the Alpha!" Max yelled as they reached the next stairwell.

"Roger That!"

As they ascended the stair, the Alpha broke through the door and Max heard Brooks unleash a rain of lead. Max hoped that he could kill the Alpha before it got to them.

After they passed the fourth floor landing Max cursed under his breath.

The survivors were relentless. They had blocked this stairwell as well, making it so that anything trying to get to the roof had to walk across each and every floor.

With no time to grope about the situation, Max and Allen walked through the door to the fourth floor. This floor was a large open room and except for the old papers and trash scattered everywhere was completely empty.

The two soldiers ran through the bare room and sprinted again into the opposite stairwell, running up towards the roof. But they were stopped again when they found this way was blocked off as well.

max cursed aloud and led Allen back into the empty room.

"Max? What are you doing?" Allen asked with heavy breaths.

"Well it would seem we're trapped... and I would rather be in an open space than cramped with nowhere to move."

Allen stopped walking, leaning on Max's shoulder unable to put weight on his ankle, "What are you talking about?"

"There's no other way Allen, we're going to have to face the Cretin."

He was trembling with fear and sweat was pouring into his eyes, his helmet felt so hot. Max let Allen sit against the wall across from where the Cretin would have to enter and said, "You shoot them, and I'll draw their attention."

"You've got to be kidding..."

Allen was interrupted when Brooks yelled over the comm., "Top, the Alpha's still kickin'! He's headed up the stairs!"

"Crap!" Max yelled.

Just as he was about to turn to Allen, he heard the Alpha rumble up the stairs and it burst through the doorway across from them.

As it entered the room it seemed to recognize the fact that Max and Allen we're not going to flee and slowed to a halt in front of them, breathing heavily. There were huge gashes and bullet holes all over its body where thick blood oozed from the gaping wounds.

Behind the massive Alpha the other Cretin came to a halt, not daring to entering the room. It was as if they knew there were consequences for interfering with the Alpha's prey.

Max wasn't sure what to do at this point, "Brooks? Forget the Murder... assist us..."

The Alpha let out a loud roar and charged as he finished, and Max only had time to let a few rounds fly before the Alpha back handed him sending Max crashing into the wall.

Pain shot through his body as he fell to the ground. But something wasn't right, the Alpha hadn't crushed him yet, he should either be dead or getting pounded into a pulp. However the Alpha had run past Max and headed for the wounded soldier first.

Allen let out a yell, unleashing bursts of fire into the beast. The Alpha ignored the new wounds and simply knocked the weapon aside uselessly.

"Allen! No!" Max began, trying to scramble to his feet.

Max stood only to fall back over, he was still dazed from getting sent across the room. The Alpha didn't wait for Max and began pummeling Allen into the wall. Loud snaps could be heard from Allen's bones as he cried out in pain after each swing of the Alpha's fists.

Max was about to shoot at the beast to distract it from Allen but then saw one of the Cretin try to sneak over and attack Max while the Alpha was busy.

Quickly dropping it with a three round burst, Max unloaded a few more rounds into the crowded doorway till his Mag was spent and then let his rifle hang on the sling at his side. He then grabbed a block of C4 plastic explosive out of his pack. Max knew that whenever he went on missions the General wanted them to go in stealthily without any explosives but Max was a true boy scout, and he liked being prepared for anything and he felt this was as good a time as any.

He began priming the explosive and glanced out the window at the Black Hawk, "HELP ALLEN!"

"Working on it!" He heard Adams mutter.

His voice seemed incredibly calm for this kind of situation, however that's what the sniper had been trained for.

As Max finished priming the C4, the extremely loud crack of Adams M-200 bolt action sniper rifle echoed through the air. Adams had left it on the Chopper when they had gone inside of the first building, swapping it out for an assault rifle. The General had urged him to leave it, but when Max turned around he was glad that Adams hadn't listened.

The Alpha was sprawled out on the floor and blood lined the wall across from it. But when Max looked to Allen, he saw the soldier was laying in a crumpled heap.

Max looked back to the doorway. The Cretin seemed to hesitate at first but once they saw that the Alpha wasn't getting back up, they charged at Max, seeming more angry than ever.

"Brooks...?"

Max was answered by the sound of the chain gun unleashing its wrath on the Cretin at the doorway. But Brooks was unable to shoot too close to Max for fear of friendly fire, so three Cretin got through.

Thinking quickly, Max grabbed his M9 from the holster on his chest and killed the first two with two shots to the chest and one to the head, but the third Cretin reached him before he was able to aim. It tackled him and they rolled across the floor, knocking the gun and C4 from Max's hand.

When they came to a stop, the Cretin lay on top of him. It's jaws snapped viciously at the air as Max held it away from his neck by crossing his forearms against the creatures throat. It then began tearing at Max's body armor with it fingers, attempting to gut Max. He was beginning to struggle to keep the Cretin's mouth away from his throat, but suddenly there was another loud crack.

Max watched as the Cretin's head snapped sideways and its brain matter showered Max and the floor next to him.

Throwing the limp body off to the side Max yelled, "Adams?! Are you CRAZY!?"

Max heard Adams laugh as he scrambled to his M9 and the C4, "You could have killed me!"

"You're welcome..."

Checking the C4 to ensure it would work, Max pressed a few buttons and set it for eight seconds.

"Tell the pilots I'm throwing C4!"

But Max threw it before anyone could answer and it soared over the Cretin's heads into the doorway. The Chopper veer away from the building as Max sprinted over to Allen's body and covered it with his own.

The moment he had, there was a deafening roar as the C4 detonated, sending burning debris and shrapnel flying past his and Allen's head. Max winced as some of that shrapnel buried itself into his shoulder sending sharp pains coursing through his body.

He ignored the pain and turned to see that the doorway was now a gaping hole and the stairwell had collapsed on top of itself due to the force of the explosion.

Max walked cautiously over towards the writhing and moaning bodies of the Cretin who had made it into the room. Holstering his weapon, Max unsheathed his knife and slit each of their throats, putting an end to their revolting life.

When he had put each of them out of their misery, Max swiped the bloody blade across the shoulder of his left sleeve. Once it was clean Max re-sheathed it and walked back over to see if Allen was still alive. The faint cries of injured Cretin carried up through the destroyed stairwell and to Max. Hopefully they would give up on him soon.

Max carefully rolled Allen onto his back and saw he was still breathing. Max looked down at Allen's legs which lay twisted and mangled. There were bone fragments protruding from various places of Allen's body and it made Max almost feel sick. Allen's left arm was in the same condition, but when Max went to check his other one he heard Allen gargle and cough.

"Max..."

Relieved to know Allen was still conscious, Max leaned over him and looked into his eyes. They seemed glazed over as if Allen were blind and it made Max falter.

Allen coughed again, "Max, tell Hannah... I'm sorry..."

"What?! No! Allen, we're going back together!" Max yelled.

He felt as if he should be crying but no tears came to his eyes, and deep down he knew Allen didn't stand a chance at surviving, he would bleed out well before they got home even if they made it to the Chopper on time, but Max didn't want to believe it.

"Max..." Allen started again but paused for a fit of gargled coughs.

Max watched in agony as blood dripped out the side of Allen's mouth.

Once the coughs subsided Allen tried again, "Max, We both know it's over for me... You are the best brother anyone could ask for..."

All Max could do was watch as Allen choked and coughed up more blood, "Max... Max...Tell Hannah..."

Max interrupted him, "No! You tell her!"

He grabbed Allen by the shoulder straps of his body armor, and dragged him into the other stairwell. Leaving him on the landing, Max walked up to blockage. He could hear Brooks, and the others rambling over the comm. wanting to make sure everything was alright, but Max ignored them as he tore into the desks and tables in front of him trying to make a way up the stairs.

When one of the desks slid down and pinned his hand against another desk, Max cursed aloud. And as he pried his throbbing hand from underneath the heavy object Max turned to check on Allen.

Allen was still lying there, but what really worried Max was the fact that he couldn't see Allen breathing.

"No, no, no!" He cried, running down to Allen's motionless body, "ALLEN!"

Max knelt by Allen and grabbed his face and smacking his cheeks, "Allen! Come on you can't die on me!... Allen!... Allen!"

Despite Max's pleas Allen remained still, not breathing.

Max stared at Allen's bloodied face for a second letting the fact that he was gone sink in. He then let out an angered yell and stood up punching the cement wall of the stairwell with his still throbbing hand.

He welcomed the pain coming through his now broken hand, this was all his fault... At least it should be.

Max knew he couldn't let his anger and the loss of Allen get to him. Not yet anyways, he still need to get out of here.

He then heard an unfamiliar voice come in over the radio, "Top Sergeant... We're running short on fuel. We need you on the Chopper now if we're going to make it back."

He determined that the voice belong to the pilot but the words still stung. How could he possibly go home without Allen alive and well? What about his promise to Hannah?

Max looked at the blockage in the stairwell again. It would probably take him an hour or more to move it all. The survivors had piled up a good thirty desks which piled up to the bottom of the steps above.

He sighed and sat on the steps exhausted, rubbing the bridge of his nose he asked calmly, "Pilot... is there any way you could land on the roof and shut of the Chopper to conserve fuel?"

"Negative, Top Sergeant... There isn't enough room on the roof. Even if there was, there's no telling the structures stability to promise it could hold the Chopper if we were to shut her off."

Max listened to the roar of the remaining Cretin echoed up from the floors below, realistically they wouldn't leave for hours.

He let out another sigh, "Any sign that we provoked a Murder from another Cretin Clan?"

Instead of the pilot answering Max heard Brooks, "Not a thing Top... The rest of the Cretin from this Hive are still inside the building though."

"I know..."

"What are you saying?" Brooks asked hesitantly.

"Go!" Max commanded.

He heard his whole squad all shout at once, "WHAT?!"

"GO! I'm stuck here. it'll take me hours to get to the roof and you won't make it home if you don't leave now!"

"Roger that," the Pilot replied, "We'll drop a beacon on the roof."

There was a pause and Max assumed that he was explaining to his squad what to do and after a few seconds he came back on, "I recommend that you activate it as soon as you reach the roof... Once we get the signal, we'll send a rescue squad."

Max paused, this was the worst predicament he had ever found himself in, but after a moments thought he replied, "Understood..."

But Brooks intervened, "Wait! Top, I won't leave you two alone out here!"

"No, Brooks get out of here. I won't risk losing another soldier!"

"What?! But Allen's..."

"DEAD!" Max yelled into the comm., "Now leave! And Brooks..."

There was no reply.

"Tell Taylor and Hannah, I'm sorry..."

Riley came in over the comm., "We've got you Top. Stay alive, we'll get you home in no time!"

"Pilot get yourself home! don't let them change your mind!" Max said reluctantly.

"Roger."

Max could hear Brooks and his squad try to protest with the pilot but he heard the hum of the Chopper slowly die off as it flew away without him. He listened to the voices of his squad squabbling until there was nothing but static.

He looked down at Allen's dead body and just stared... This was not how his day was supposed to have gone.

4 comments:

DA Strong said...

Please don't take this the wrong way, but, were you trying to make it a kinda hammy scene? (By hammy I mean it was sorta cheesy...?)

SkyHawk said...

oh kay now it works....

well not really.... but cheesy in a good or bad way?...

Also what all did you find cheesy? i'd like to be able to fix it if it doesn't compliment the story.

DA Strong said...

"Allen! Come on you can't die on me!... Allen!... Allen!" It's possible that in a movie this line would have sounded better, but here it seems more cliched than powerful.

"He heard his whole squad all shout at once, "WHAT?!"" This seems kind of funny, in a weird way. A bunch of soldiers all saying what at the same time seems corny. I think realistically there might be different reactions from different members maybe? Possibly they remain silent out of reverence?

"This was not how his day was supposed to have gone." Sounds more like a joke than anything introspective, I guess. Remember that stories should show and not tell. It should be evident (which it is) in the story that Max has had a bad day up to this point. Thus, when this line gets said, it feels corny, because yeah, his day was pretty awful.

You were right in saying this would be a difficult scene to convey correctly. I'd probably end up staring at my computer screen dumbfounded at how to express this myself.

I'm thinking that you wrote this scene as it might appear in a movie; try to remember ways in which books can affect emotions differently than movies.

Max stared at Allen's bloodied face for a second letting the fact that he was gone sink in. He then let out an angered yell and stood up punching the cement wall of the stairwell with his still throbbing hand.

He welcomed the pain coming through his now broken hand, this was all his fault... At least it should be.


I feel like we are only seeing what Max is doing, and then inferring what emotions he has from his actions alone. (i.e., he shouts and punches the wall; thus he must be angry). It might be possible to convey emotions in a different way. When people get angry their heart rate races and they can sometimes experience symptoms similar to a panic attack; Thinking becomes less rational (What if I die next, I can't go on living, This is all my fault*, Everything is hopeless), people tend to get tunnel vision, and their extremeties can get numb.

*Max does indeed think this, but his thought seems to immediately be followed up with at least it should be which I think pulls away from some of the emotion. It falls into that idea of showing and not telling; the reader show know that it isn't his fault, so that when his internal thought process says it is, the reader can realize that Max is thinking irrationally.

Again, I hope you don't take offense to any of this. This is just all I could think of that; hopefully it's helpful.

SkyHawk said...

YES! thank you it does help... and honestly i see that you're right, i was kind of just thinking up what would look cool in a movie i guess...

i definitely need to go deep on the emotional descriptions as opposed to the theatrics and instead just explaining actions. but now i see that this chapter could possibly be even longer haha.